Angel Girl, never forgotten
by Isabelle8888
Summary: A follow up to the Angel Girl one shot. Jason continues to deal with the loss of Courtney and gets help from an unexpected friend.
1. Broken man

AN: So many of you liked the one shot that I got an idea to follow it and I decided to write it. Thanks for the reviews of the Angel Girl one shot and I hope you like this as well. Consider the one shot the prelude, this story picks up right from there.

_**Angel Girl, Never Forgotten**_

_**Chapter 1**_

Jason walked back to his penthouse with his head hung low. It was freeing to finally voice his true emotions but the pain was still as sharp, she was never coming back to him. He decided it was his punishment for running away from his love for her, for waiting so long to tell the truth, now he had to pay the forever debt of being without her.

The elevator doors slide open and he stepped out feeling so empty, just nothing to live for. He held his keys in his hand as he reached to open the door he realized he wasn't alone. "What do you want?"

"Jason I needed to see you. You can't just push me away like this."

Jason cringed at her voice, it sent a new wave of memories through his mind; how many times he hurt Courtney by being with Sam and lying for her, something he never did. He became a man no one recognized over Sam McCall and the lies he had to tell. "Just go away." He pushed the door open and walked inside; he shut the door before she could follow. He wasn't up to explaining himself tonight.

He continued to drag himself through the penthouse and upstairs. He lay back on his bed with a sigh; he just wanted to forget everything just for a moment. His heavy eyes finally fell closed after all the sleepless nights caught up to him, he dreamed.

_It was all white; everywhere he turned it was white. He continued to walk and thought this was crazy; he needed to stop watching movies his mind was playing tricks on him now._

"_No, no tricks. This is very real." Jason heard a voice say, he stopped suddenly and looked around searching for the voice he knew for so long. It was cloudy he continued to look waiting to see the familiar face._

"Damn it." Jason cursed as he sat up, the phone woke him up. "What?" he angrily answered.

"Jason."

He sighed and softened his tone. "Carly." She was one of the only people who understood how he felt lately. No matter what she always saw his love for Courtney.

"How are you?" It was late into the night but she hoped he'd answer; she was so worried about him.

Jason sighed again and sat back against the bed. All the emotions rushed back to surface, he couldn't lie to Carly. "I'm….upset. I should've told her."

Carly didn't need him to explain, she knew Jason better then anyone else in the world. She heard and felt his pain for Courtney, the one he gave up too soon on. "She wouldn't blame you Jase, you know that. You made the choices you thought were right."

"She'll never know."

Carly felt tears surface as she listened to Jason painful voice. "I think she does, she knew your heart. She wouldn't want you to beat yourself up over her death Jason; she'd want you to remember the good times."

Jason quickly realized he couldn't talk about this any longer. "I'll be fine Carly. Thanks for calling." He hung up the phone.

He sat in the dark now focused on the dream, it felt so real but it couldn't be.

Could it?

He shook his head and lay back down, almost hoping he could get back to the dream. He tossed and turned through the night with no luck, the dream was gone. New dreams over took his mind, Courtney.

He dreamt of her smile, her glowing eyes, and all their good times. Then the good became bad, he couldn't move past the hurt look on her face, the times he broke her heart. She just looked at him, crying with a unforgiving look in her eyes; pain. He stood there and begged her to forgive him but it was as if she couldn't hear him.

"Courtney please!" Jason jumped up in bed with his breathing ragged; he raked back his hair and tried to calm down. He shut his eyes and tried not to see her hurtful expression. Tears escaped his own eyes now, he couldn't believe he hurt her so much and never thought of it. It took her death for him to see clear.

The sun began to raise, soft light filling the room. He left the bed and took a shower in hopes his body would stop shaking, his heart stop aching. Once he was done and dressed he stood in front of the mirror, his eyes were red. He looked down at the sink and shook his head, would he ever feel better?

"_Oh dear I just can't seem to catch you at a good time."_

Jason looked back at the mirror and came face to face with his grandmother, Lila. That was it, he had finally lost his mind. She was dressed in white and her voice was the same, it had been her in that dream.

"_Don't look so shocked you must know places like this exist. I'm here to help you Jason."_

"Help me?"

"_Your heart is so broken that I felt it from the heavens. But I wasn't the only ones to feel it, certain spirits up above felt your pain as well and decided a love like this should be helped."_

"What do you mean?" Jason still felt crazy talking to his dead grandmother in a mirror but he wanted to hear what she had to say.

"_You have to believe Jason, once you truly believe the pain will stop."_

"Believe what?" but he was too late, Lila was gone.

He left the bathroom and headed back downstairs but for what he wondered. There was nothing to be done, no work, nothing for fun, simply nothing at all. He walked over to his desk and sat down. His head found the bottom draw and pulled it open.

Inside were pictures he never got rid of, his self conscious again holding on to her without him realizing. There were pictures of their wedding, pictures he took of her when she wasn't looking. Always smiling bright he thought again with a sad smile of his own as he continued. There were pictures of her and the boys; their first picture together after Morgan was born.

Then the last picture of them together, the day they reunited before he found out she called the cops on him and Sonny. He had gotten so mad but now sitting there it was clear that didn't really matter at all in the long run; all it did was break them.

If he could take it all back, all his reactions he would in a heartbeat.

-

Isabelle A.


	2. Memories of us

AN: Ok how great was today? Jason remembered the first journey rain kiss, I'm so happy. I'm at my JaSam site giddy over journey, yeah wrong site but my site so who cares. I've been in a real journey mood lately; they were the first couple I ever loved so I'm not gonna feel bad and not express my love for them today. Thanks so much for the feedback, I'm glad so many of you are liking this idea and giving it a chance. I also loved that today the PH was dark and Jason went to the window, I wrote that in the one shot.

Also there's talk of Jax and Courtney's son, I'm sticking to the show on that, and I won't touch on Nikolas being the father, you'll see why in the end of the fic.

_**Angel Girl, never forgotten**_

_**Chapter two**_

Jason looked like the walking wounded; Sonny had never seen so much pain inside of one person at one time. His own guilt began to rise; he had fought so hard for them not to be together but in the end what both Courtney and Jason needed were each other. "Do you want work? Something to take your mind off of it?" he offered his best friends as he walked inside the living room.

"I can't take my mind off of it, that's what I did before and now look at me. I'll be ok." He kept telling his close friends but inside his own mind he wasn't sure he'd ever be ok.

"I'm going to the hospital to see Courtney's son, do you want to come?" Sonny knew seeing a part of Courtney still alive, her child, might help in the long run. Jason didn't say anything but Sonny knew the answer. He led his best friend out of the house and outside. They rode to the hospital in silence.

"What is he doing here?" Jax demanded at the sight of Jason.

"The baby needs all the support he can get, Courtney would want her son to know Jason." Sonny tightly said trying not to snap at the man he hated with a passion.

Jax wasn't happy but he wanted to honor Courtney's wishes the best he can. He nodded and let Jason through.

Jason put on the paper hospital gown and pushed the cold door open. He saw the little boy's tiny body fighting to live, tears stung his eyes. "This isn't how it should be." He whispered as he sat down. "This was all she wanted to have a child of her own and now you're here and she didn't even hold you. It's not fair." He wiped his tears away before touching the glass. "You had a sister," he began unsure if he could continue. "Your mom is with her now, watching over you. There are so many people who loved her and will love you, they'll tell you about her but none of them know the side of her I did. She gave herself to me whole body and soul and I didn't cherish that. You don't want to hear my sad story huh?" he smiled slightly at the sleeping boy.

He sat there for minutes longer and thought of Courtney as he looked at her son; yes she would always be alive in him and in Jason's heart.

"Carly is coming over to have dinner with the boys, they'd love for you to be there." Sonny said as they walked back to the car.

Jason understood what they were doing, they were worried about him and wanted to help but nothing could help him. "Maybe another night." He couldn't be around anyone for too long, it was just too much to bear.

He ended up back in his penthouse again, alone. His solace seemed to be the window; there he remembered in peace, the pain wasn't as bad as her face played along his eyes.

But in that moment there was somewhere else he wanted to be, needed to be. He grabbed his jacket and rushed out of the penthouse.

He remembered their first night in the loft, all the special memories no one but them new about. In the loft nothing else mattered, the world faded away. He saw glad after all that happened she still kept it, it was home to her, and him. The penthouse was more like an office, a place to crash, but the loft was home.

He walked inside and it was strange but he smelled her, the scent of her shampoo and perfume. He closed his eyes as his ears filled with her words and her sweet laugh and smile.

"_You don't stop kissing me. And when we do decide to sleep together, we communicate by notes because I -- I can't imagine myself running up to you and announcing that I'm ready to---"_

"By note? You want to fax me or---" she always brought out the lighter side of him, the joking side.

_  
"Don't make fun of me." She laughed and smiled then they kissed._

Jason could still feel her kiss on his lips now as the remembered their first day in their loft. He walked along the space, it didn't matter who she shared time with there or what other memories were created; the loft belonged to them and only them.

He sat on the soft and grabbed the blanket that was even stronger in her scent.

"_I love you."_

Jason quickly opened his eyes to the voice and looked around. "I'm really losing it again." He said to himself but this voice was different. As he began to cry he knew who's voice it was.

"_I never stopped."_

"It's in your head." Jason told himself. "It's just what you want to hear."

"_Do you still love me?"_

Jason rested his head back on the sofa and sighed. "Yes."

"_Why couldn't we make it work?"_

He heard sadness in her voice now, she began to fade. "I didn't know how."

"_Jason---"_

"No." Her voice was gone and he knew that was it. "Damn." He felt her presence so strong. He had never believed in an afterlife or angel's, he figured once you were gone that's it but now he knew that wasn't the case. She had been there, he was sure of it, now he wished she had stayed. It could've been his chance to tell her everything he hadn't before, to make things right.

He stayed in that spot for hours, he couldn't leave.

-

Isabelle A.


	3. In the rain

_**Angel Girl, never forgotten**_

_**Chapter three**_

Jason woke hours later on the sofa in the loft, he hasn't left and he didn't see himself going anytime soon. He rose from the spot and walked over to the window in the bedroom area, he wouldn't let himself look at the bed.

Rain trailed down the glass filling the dark night. The rain, always a turning point in their life, where it began and where it ended.

"_Because I couldn't help myself, just like now. That's never happened with anybody else. You know, if it's a bad idea, I stop. If it's a mistake, I learn. If it hurts too much, I quit feeling. Except with you. Courtney, we -- we're not ending tonight. Ok, we ended I don't even know how long ago. Maybe it was when we signed the divorce papers. Maybe it was when I took my ring off. Maybe it was even before that. Maybe we ended the night we began."_

"_You think that we were always going to end up here?" _

"_Didn't you?" _

"_God. I think that we had a lot of chances to make things different. And we didn't take them, Jason, and now it's too late." _

It wasn't too late; he had just been too stubborn to forgive her for trying to save him. Now he realized it was stupid and in the long run they just wasted time, too much time. All she did was love him too much and made a mistake he couldn't forgive, she wanted to save him and maybe she did. She saved him in so many ways he couldn't even think of right now, she gave him everything. Then he threw it away and swore he found true love with another but no it wasn't love, it was lies the same reason he did push true love, Courtney, away.

He walked away from the window and sighed heavily, walking along the loft with his hands in his pockets. That's when he glanced at the mirror and saw the reflection. "You again."

"_Is that anyway to great your grandmother?"_

"How do I know you're real?"

"_You don't, you have to believe. I don't remember you being this cynical Jason."_

Jason scoffed. "Can you blame me?"

"_It's not your fault."_

"You don't know that." Jason didn't want to hear how it wasn't his fault; he didn't want to feel better. This is what he deserved; endless pain for pushing away the only true person he ever loved.

"_Courtney died because of a virus."_

"No it was more then that, it was a chain I started that led her there, to her death. And even then I couldn't be bothered, I knew she was sick but I didn't go see her, I thought everything else was more important. And she died, I wasn't there and now I can never be there again." Jason tightly explained to the ghost in the mirror, clinching his jaw as he fought back tears.

"_She understood Jason; she had people around who loved her."_

"They weren't enough, I should've been there. She needed me….I need her." He looked down as his tears fell, he needed her so bad.

"_Does this help? Beating yourself up and pushing your family away?" Lila demanded._

"What family?"

"_Sonny, Carly---"_

"They understand they knew how much I loved her. Carly tried to make me see that it wasn't over but I lashed out."

"_And Sam? You love her."_

"I thought so but we were together for all the wrong reasons, it wouldn't last, it wasn't enough. I wanted out long before this but I tried to do the right thing and stick by her like she did for me. I was trying to do the right thing for the wrong woman." Jason expressed, he'd always regret that putting Sam before the people that really mattered. "Why am I seeing you now?"

"_You need help my child and I'm here to do so. If you keep going the way you are you're going to end up dead yourself."_

"Would that be so bad?" Jason softly asked as the idea seemed very appealing.

"_Jason Morgan!" The ghost of Lila gasped. "Don't you dare speak like that again. You have a lot to live for and you need to believe in that and focus on the good."_

"What good!"

"_Courtney. You still love her you miss her focus on the good times with her and less about the mistakes."_

Jason looked back up into the mirror reflection. "Do you see her?" he asked with his voice still as soft, fearing what he'd learn.

"_No I haven't."_

"I heard her before, was it her?"

"_It could've been."_

Jason sighed. "You're a lot of help." He flatly said.

"_Jason I can't give you the answers and tell you what to do to make this right. You have to do it."_

"How?"

"_Believe."_

Jason grit his teeth. "I'm getting sick of the believe riddle, believe what?"

Lila smiled, the whiteness around her glowing. _"In love."_

She was gone again; Jason was really getting sick of the games, why couldn't all this just make sense. He ran his hand through his hair and tried to figure this out, believe in love? In what love? He questioned as he sat back down on the sofa.

His cell phone rang in his pocket; he pulled it out, a habit he couldn't break. He looked at the screen, it was Sonny. "Yeah?"

"I checked your place but you weren't there." Sonny said, worried for his friend but tried not to let on. "Where are you?"

"I'm fine Sonny and you can tell Carly the same thing, stop worrying. I'm where I need to be." Jason closed the phone after that and tossed it down on the table before him.

With Courtney's death he didn't know what to do with himself anymore, nothing was important, nothing mattered. Work was the last thing on his list, there was no one in his life he wanted to be around.

But there was a new feeling in his chest, he felt a great need to figure out what his grandmother was telling him.

-

Isabelle A.


End file.
